Thursday, 16 February 2017

Generic list post: 5 fives (Last Dayz)

Already tackled the subject of opening songs on rap albums, so in the interest of #balance, here's a different kind of generic list post about closing songs on rap albums.

Dedicatin' this post to the now-defunct Ego Trip website, a place which knew a thing or two about rap lists. Thank you for reposting my AZ and Grand Puba playlists, fuck you for reposting Wicked22's crappy mixes.

5 killer final songs on rap albums:
Slick Rick - Lick The Balls (1988)
Raekwon & Ghostface Killah - Heaven & Hell (1995)
Snoop Doggy Dogg ft. Lil' Malik - Pump Pump (1993)
The Jacka - Barney (More Crime) (2005)
Eric B. & Rakim - Kick Along (1992)

Woulda been killer final songs if not for an outro or bonus remix:
Camp Lo - Coolie High (1997)
Ice-T - Soul On Ice (1988)
Juvenile - Money On The Couch (1997)
MF DOOM ft. Kurious - ? (1999)
Z-Ro - Happy Feelingz (2004)

Shout out to these 5 bonus tracks, though, innit:
UGK - Wood Wheel (2001)
Black Sheep - The Choice Is Yours (Revisited) (1991)
Dr. Dre ft. Death Row - Bitches Ain't Shit (1992)
Sean "Diddy" Combs - Get Off (2006)
YG ft. Pushaz Ink - When I Was Gone (2014)

5 tracks which shoulda been killer final songs on rap albums:
AZ - Doe Or Die (1995)
Egyptian Lover - I Cry (Night After Night) (1984)
Lil' Boosie - Trouble Man (2005)
2Pac - Death Around The Corner (1995)
Mac Dre - So Hard (2001)

5 shitty final songs on killer rap albums:
N.W.A - Something 2 Dance 2 (1988)
De La Soul ft. Biz Markie - Stone Age (1993)
GZA ft. Killah Priest - B.I.B.L.E (1995)
Public Enemy - Party For Your Right To Fight (1988)
Cypress Hill - Born To Get Busy (1991)

I generally choose not to acknowledge the existence of North Star (Jewels) since I never heard it until the early noughties due to not owning a CD copy of Only Built 4 Cuban Linx until then. There's a reason why people sweat The Purple Tape, but nobody gives a shit about The Red CD: the former ends on peak-rap music with Heaven And Hell, the latter ends on a superfluous-arse throwaway.

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Will the defendant please rise

Court is now in session (no Chill Rob G.)

Conclusive proof that We Want Some Pussy is the best song on Ezale's Tonite Show:


Stop Come On and Day Ones both bodied via vehicular homicide.

I rest my case, y'honour.

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

File this under ‘one for the Brits’ (again)

Ever since a gang of scallies kicked Sophie Lancaster south of Heaven in 2007, there's been a war goin' on pon road no goff is safe from. Thankfully the mandem have been working tirelessly to repair the damage wrought by their working class white counterparts in recent years: man'll now spend their days in the colour of mourning, living Bauhaus every weekend. Even the Party Hard bloke has shown that he's down for the Count like Dracula's people and remixed his 2003 UK Garage classic My Philosophy (Bounce) with a Transylvanian twist by combining it with his 2017 Grime & Bullshit single Black. There are songs for doz that slept, and then there are songs for doz that slept in a coffin:

Donae'O - Black/Bounce (Social Circles Remix)
(From t'internet; 2017)



Speakin' of Donae'O, was Farmer Yardie the UK Garage equivalent of T La Rock's Live Drummin' With The Country Boy?

Monday, 13 February 2017

Important reminder

Not only did Maino's Role Model body Eminem with his own concept, that shit was also the best Broken Language homage since Juvenile's Pimpinabitch. Contrary to the title of the mixtape Role Model came from, Maino was not The Future, but this song and the gossip-mongering street DVD anthem Rumors will forever have a place in ya host's personal canon of noughties N.Y rap.

"I'm bad company, don't look up to me
I'm not kinda person you should ever want to be"


Maino - Role Model
(From Maino Is The Future mixtape; 2008)



Is Brooklyn in the house? The answer is "NOPE!" with regards to that supposed new AZ single No Option. Some enterprising Soundcloud producer has actually just ham-handedly grafted the City Of Gods acapella over one of his own beats and then used footage from AZ's 2016 interview on BET for the video. Plz believe the only No Option we acknowledge here at The Martorialist belongs to Kid Ink & King Los.

Saturday, 11 February 2017

Wanted dead or alive: ID this song plz


What's the song in this video 5th Ward Weebie posted on Instagram? I can't work out if it's a Bounce song, a Dancehall song, or some combination of the two genres, let alone who the artist is. Might have to watch the video another 15 times in a row just to get to the bottom of what's goin' down here.

Thursday, 9 February 2017

IG Off & Slapardous

Already learned a harsh lesson not to get too excited about Nef The Pharaoh Instagram snippets after Everything Big turned out to be a disappointment, but this song with Mannie Fresh sounds like it has potential, especially since OMB Peezy might be on there too.


I'll bet you Peezy could knock out a real disrespectful remake of Mannie's Fight Song. Key word: disrespectful.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

They had me in the paper like I was gone, all it took was 50 thou' to come back home

"I exited the county like a muthaf*ckin' G
On two homicides they got nothin' on me
The state is weak, they can't f*ck witcha boy
The put me all on the news - look, f*ckin' witcha boy!"


Fat Tone - Not Guilty
(From Tha Stick Up Kid album; 2003)



Another favourite Fat Tone slap. Bit ironic that the guy initially rumoured to be responsible for Mac Dre's death should have his own equivalent of Punk Police because Not Guilty is an autobiographical joint about Tone beating a double-murder case, and the importance of hiring a good lawyer when the cops come running. File this one under ‘songs Max B really shoulda listened to before he decided to let Gerald Saluti defend him.’

Sunday, 5 February 2017

Girlfriends will be lost in time like tears in rain

"I saw you.. AND HIM!
Walking in the rainnnnnn
Do-do-do-do-do
You can try and deny and lie.. BITCH!
But I'm two steps ahead of the game
Two steps, two steps, two steps"


Fat Tone ft. Boi Big - Walking In The Rain (Martorialist Edit)
(From Tha Stick Up Kid album; 2003/Ya host's stash; 2017)



Fat Tone AKA the Kansas City rapper who was murdered in revenge for killing Mac Dre even though he evidently had nowt to do with Dre's death. Here's a shortened edit of my favourite Tone song via Jack The Snipper, a throwback to the days when rappers would occasionally get their girlfriend stolen instead of stealin' everyone else's girlfriends. Why an edit? Because the proper version outstays its welcome with an outro phonecall which drags on for a minute and a half. New rule: if you ain't Snoop on the Deeez Nuuuts intro or Mac Dre circa Back N Da Hood, keep all phonecalls outta rap songs.

Thursday, 2 February 2017

Ashley Cole & Cheryl Tweedy back!

"Havin' interracial relations with this motherf*ckin' white
You play me like I'm pussy, take your motherf*ckin' life
Am I a shooter who keep a Ruger? Bitch, you motherf*ckin' right
I keep a ruler like a tutor, I don't motherf*ckin' fight"


OMB Peezy - Interracial Relations
(From Soundcloud; 2017)



Once again it's on! How's the Lay Down kid's freestyle over a 1998 Soulja Slim classic sound fresher than damn-near any rap that's dropped in 2017? Interracial Relations almost has me wishing I'd never heard From What I Was Told because Peezy sounds to the manor born on that vintage No Limit factory-line beat. Oil and water don't mix like Durex and Catholics, but Peezy's gas on this one is so fluid it's makin' a mockery of everything ya host was taught in chemistry class.

Peezy's brand new single is hot too. Lad sounds like he could hail from Louisiana, the Bay or Detroit, but actually comes from Alabama, albeit with some ties to Sacramento. That'd explain why he's recorded songs with Lavish D's main producer.

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

You sang beautifully just now

Via Gwarizm, it's the infamous Style Wars the Musical short which has only ever partially existed online in muffled cameraphone footage previously. No Lucille Ball hairdos or Computer Rock burners are present, but Skeme & his mam are down in the f*ckin' kitchen singing their f*ckin' arses off like f*ckin' birds. THIS IS IT!:


Style Wars the Musical from ApK on Vimeo.

Best believe the only La La Land we acknowledge here at The Martorialist belongs to Green Velvet.

Monday, 30 January 2017

Generic list post: January 2017


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when worlds collided.

Camp Lo - Camp Lo (Bust Ya Down) (1995/2016)
Camp Lo - Coolie High Is Life (1995/2016)
OMB Peezy - Lay Down (2016)
Street Knowledge - Dru Down Flow (Can You Feel Me) (2017)
PnB Rock ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Hanging Up My Jersey (2017)
Simoncino - Beyond The Dance (Mr. Fingers Dark Mix) (2016)
Busy Signal - Go Again (2017)

Other notables: Out The Streetz is exactly the sort of production I wanna hear A-Wax over, so of course he had to go and ruin it by letting his saltine baggage handler rap on there too; Kap G ruined Freakin 'N' Geekin' all on his own with that Cold Hands On His Back flow (thanx, Jesse); listened to the SOB X RBE album and I still can't find a song by them I like enough to pay 99p for; every time Westwood plays these new Migos singles I'm reminded of how I felt any time I'd inadvertently catch a new Das EFX single back in the mid to late 90s: FFS when are these played-out motherf*ckers gonna go away already?

PS: listen to my top 10 non-rap songs of 2016 and sixteen which ain't from 2016 playlists.

Saturday, 28 January 2017

Another major L for The Guardian's coverage of rap music

From this point forward, noone from The Guardian is allowed to mock The Daily Mail for running a story about DMX with pictures of D.M.C ever again:



What's the most #Problematic thing about The Guardian printing a picture of Bre-Z & Gizzle on its front page trailer for a Rae Sremmurd interview yesterday?

* That The Guardian thinks all blk ppl look alike to the point that they can't even tell blk lads from blk lasses?

* That The Guardian thinks two lesbians are men?

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

I really think that I'm Tom Cruise

"Cold Game Chronicles" Starring Ezale as Jet Pri Part 1 of 5 #WeGoneBringThisTownShitBack Filmed by: @stewyfilms

A video posted by IM ON MDMA (@ezalecantseewell) on


Is Ezale ever gonna drop this song or wot? The video is nearly 12 months old now, and while history has taught us that Ezale songs rarely ever sound like the Instagram snippets suggest they'll sound, this one still seems like it has more potential than 97% of the pisspoor new rap released thus far in 2017.

All I wanted was a slap, just one slap, and you wouldn't give it to me.

Sunday, 22 January 2017

Was Will High behind the attack on Richard Spencer?

Think about it, yo: nobody throws a blindsided punch quite like Will High, just ask Vordul's shattered jaw. We're all about the code of the streets here at The Martorialist so we'd never willingly send a man to Rikers Island like Gentle Jones and El-P did when the pair of them snitched on Will High to the NYPD, but check out this exclusive video footage of the Richard Spencer incident obtained from our man on the concrete King Kos AKA Gianluca Giallo:


"Sucker punch? I guess, technically. I mean, you really WOULD have to be a sucker to sleep on a dude like me when I am threatening to assrape you." - Will High, 2009.

Saturday, 21 January 2017

Generic list post: I Got Cha Opin

Parlour game #content spawned from a conversation about whether Straight Outta Compton is a better LP opener than Real N*ggaz Don't Die: favourite opening songs on rap albums. Rules of da game like Wood Street Playaz: it must be the first song you hear when you press play on the album, it must contain rapping, and it must function as a proper song not just as an album intro. Turns out ya host is a right golden-era mark at heart.

1. Eric B. & Rakim - Follow The Leader (1988)
2. N.W.A - Real N*ggaz Don't Die (1991)
3. Z-Ro - Mo City Don (Freestyle) (2005)
4. Snoop Doggy Dogg - Murder Was The Case (remix) (1994)
5. Mac Dre - Feelin' Myself (2004)
6. L.L. Cool J - I'm Bad (1987)
7. Brand Nubian - All For One (1990)
8. Lil' Wayne - Tha Mobb (2005)
9. EPMD - Strictly Business (1988)
10. 2Pac - Ambitionz Az A Ridah (1996)
11. Ghosface & Raekwon ft. Cappadonna - Iron Maiden (1996)
12. Above The Law - Murder Rap (1990)
13. Camp Lo - Krystal Karrington (1997)
14. Dru Down - Pimp Of The Year (1994)
15. Beanie Sigel - Feel It In The Air (2005)
16. Cypress Hill - Pigs (1991)
17. Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo - Road To The Riches (1989)
18. Mystikal - Y'All Ain't Ready Yet (1995)
19. The Diplomats ft. Un Kasa - Un Casa (2003)
20. Nice & Smooth - Early To Rise (1989)

Least favourite opening songs on killer albums? The title track of T.I's Trap Muzik gotta be my personal W.O.A.T since I always skip that entirely and start with I Can't Quit. Slick Rick's Treat Her Like A Prostitute can get a big fat skip too because the O.G beatbox version with Doug E. Fresh which later surfaced on the Teenage Love 12" is vastly superior and was only removed from the album due to cockamamie industry politics.

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

These bitches love Soca

Busy Signal - Go Again
(From the 6.3 Riddim; 2017)



A real 2 Birds With 1 Stone choon here: a Caribbean escape from the slate-grey skies + bitter winds of British january, and a much-welcome counteragent to this month of mostly stale new rap shit.

Artists who really do use their voices like an instrument nah just walk inna Young Thug's shoes. That's not a plea for any Busy Signal Is Post-Language/Like A Verbal Saxophone thinkpieces, mind.

Sunday, 15 January 2017

Just sayin', mang

Kap G - Freakin 'N' Geekin
(From Freakin 'N' Geekin single; 2016)



Thought everyone had done the decent thing by ignoring Kap G's shitty new single here until I caught Westwood enthusiastically slappin' it on his latest show. Song is the exact sort trendy Atlanta bollox Kap shouldn't be droppin' when he's got a Safari remix in the chamber ready to go, and it's unfortunate that the poor lad probably thinks he's channeling Young Thug by raising his voice a few octaves at the end of each bar when he actually sounds like a eunuch doin' the Akinyele Vagina Diner flow. Jose got them stinkers.

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Reasons why I love YouTube: Little In Japan edition

Oh, so this is the Japanese chicken-chaser commercial Bananarama recorded their AZN market-only G.O.A.T deep cut He's Got Tact for. Who needs Easy Rider when you've got Peter Fonda on a Honda instead?


Shameful situation that Woodie's Norte Sidin' and Foxy Brown's Cruel Summer are the only notable rap songs to sample Bananarama. Don't even front like the intro of It Ain't What You Do... doesn't bang as 'ard as anything on an Ultimate Breaks & Beats compilation.

Fun Boy Three with Bananarama - It Aint What You Do...
(From Fun Boy Three album; 1982)


Monday, 9 January 2017

Carry on Campin'

Camp Lo - Camp Lo (Bust Ya Down)
(From Ski's vaults; 1995/On The Way Uptown album; 2016)



As taken from Camp Lo & Ski's new album of 1995/1996 unreleased joints. This shit is Scaramanga before Scaramanga, and while it's far too raw for Uptown Saturday Night or the B-sides of Camp Lo's previous singles, it definitely sounds like some long-lost demo track Stretch & Bobbito played once in 1995 that headz have been tryin' to track down ever since. Shalamar magnetic.

Saturday, 7 January 2017

Born to Audiomack: top 10 non-rap songs of 2016

I stopped smokin' with writers back in '015 when they tried to tell me Carley Rae Jepsen was an Exciting Artiste. Judging by most of the 2016 music lists I read, the vast majority of these dullard critics still can't tell diamond from wood, which gives me another excuse to mine my own archives for #content in 2017 by condensing my my best non-rap songs of the year generic list post down to a ten song Audiomack playlist. It ain't even that my taste in non-rap shit is 'owt special, more that all these frumpy music writers are so laughably clueless that any mildly-inquisitive dilettante with a decent ear can glitter & gleam like Pimp C's Cadillac in comparison.



No order of preference, but the running order of artists is Tinashe, New Age Muzik, Kwamz & Flava, Moelogo, Shatta Wale, Dexta Daps, Chi Ching Ching, Spice, Mr. Fingers, and Shift K3Y. Never wrote about the latter's Like This, but that shit was my own personal House Every Weekend of 2016 which I never heard anybody play outside my own house. Probably would have expanded the list to a top twelve and included Fifth Harmony & Ty Dolla $ign's Work From Home and J. Balvin & co's Safari if both songs weren't such red flags to the RIAA.

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