Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Late pass: when you come up out the A you got that stupid Feng Shui

The one type of song my best of Kap G playlist was lacking in was yer standard bangeur-with-barz, so luckily enough I recently came across a nice lil' loosie from january which fits that bill to a tee. Get in where In The A fits in at track number 8 below:

Monday, 22 August 2016

I wasn't on the roads when Donna Summer made Love To Love You

40 essential joints which didn't make Pitchfork's best 200 songs of the 70's listicle. Don't get it twisted - ya host ain't actually read the P4K piece, but someone copy & pasted it elsewhere and I noticed a shitload of glaring omissions which were probably cut at the expense of a plethora of overrated singles by the likes of David Bowie, Patti Smith + Bruce Springsteen, and a bunch of the usual wanky Jazz songs which music critics always pretend to like for listicles like this.

Funkadelic - I Bet You (1970)
Shirley Bassey - Light My Fire (1970)
Santana - Oye Como Va (1970)
The Stooges - Loose (1970)
Curtis Mayfield - (Don't Worry) If There's A Hell Below.. (1970)
Dennis Coffey and the Detroit Guitar Band - Scorpio (1971)
Baby Huey - Listen To Me (1971)
Roy Budd - Get Carter (Main Theme) (1971)
Groundhogs - Cherry Red (1971)
Al Green - Simply Beautiful (1972)
Johnny Cash - A Thing Called Love (1972)
Lyn Collins - Think (About It) (1972)
The J.B's - The Grunt (1972)
Cymande - The Message (1972)
Elton John - Bennie And The Jets (1973)
The Honey Drippers - Impeach The President (1973)
Billy Joel - Worse Comes To Worst (1973)
James Brown - Papa Don't Take No Mess (7" edit) (1973)
Maceo & The Macks - Parrty (1974)
Isaac Hayes - Hung Up On My Baby (1974)
Hall & Oates - Sara Smile (1975)
Bernard Herrmann - Taxi Driver (Main Theme) (1976)
Bill Conti - Gonna Fly Now (1976)
Steely Dan - Black Cow (1977)
Robin The Frog - Halfway Down The Stairs (1977)
The Buzzcocks - Orgasm Addict (1977)
Ronnie Hazelhurst - Are You Being Served? (Theme) (1977)
AC/DC - Whole Lotta Rosie (1978)
The Misfits - Bullet (1978)
Kraftwerk - The Robots (1978)
John Carpenter - Halloween (Main Theme) (1978)
The Bar-Kays - Holy Ghost (1978)
Rick James - Mary Jane (1978)
Linda Clifford - Runaway Love (12" version) (1978)
Joe Walsh - In The City (1979)
Madness - One Step Beyond (1979)
Anita Ward - Ring My Bell (1979)
The Sequence - Funk You Up (1979)
Spoonie Gee - Spoonin' Rap (1979)
Motörhead - Bomber (1979)

Related: I was on the roads when Madonna made Crazy For You.

EDIT: one of the Japanese lads turned this post into a Milq playlist. Arigato, PG slick like El Gato.

Saturday, 20 August 2016


"Ima say what's on my mind, y'all can say whatever
I'm rootin' for Trump, he bringin' back the Reagan era
Can't trust Hillary, Hillary can't suck dick
That's why Bill cheated with the Monica Lewinsky bitch
Homies gettin' shot up in front of they kids
You think we give a f*ck who the president is?"

Uncle Murda - Cam'Ron Voice
(From t'internet; 2016)

Here at The Martorialist we'll always ride for those rare occasions Uncle Murda's trolling finds a purpose and he stumbles his way into the sorta song everyone wishes 50 Cent could still make. Consider Cam'Ron Voice as the B-Side to Murda's definitive remix of All The Way Up - the Martorialist edit minus any trace of Fat Joe di Rastamon, natch.

Related: Bloggas get shot everyday, b - you be aiight... you tough, right?.

Thursday, 18 August 2016

Born to Audiomack: best of A-Mafia edition

A-Mafia claims his official debut album finally drops this fall, but whether it's any good or not is almost immaterial at this point - Uptown's own Mr. Outta Town already cemented his position as the G.O.A.T Harlem henchman rapper because none of his immediate competitors have gone so hard for so long, or been able to Love Rap their whole goonery up at the drop of a Con Funk Shun classic. Here's a best of A-Mafia playlist which starts in 2003 with his tracks from various Purple City mixtapes and finishes in 2015 with his My Boy single. Monsters, gorillas, alligators, beasts, demons, and fans of N.Y thug rap with opera samples - it's yours.

Other Audiomack rap playlists courtesy of ya host: AZ Deep Cuts, Best of Jackie Chain, Best of Grip Plyaz, Grand Puba Deep Cuts, Best of Fam-Lay, Best of Lil' Chris, Rap Songs Which Aren't On YouTube, Best of Kap G, and Akinyele Deep Cuts.

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Brief thoughts on Nef The Pharaoh's Everything Big

Nef The Pharaoh - Everything Big
(From YouTube; 2016)

- Nef & P-Lo AKA Shmobby Brackins owe us a legitimate slap after Meantime was the only outright dud on Nef's debut EP. Everything Big, unfortunately, is not that legitimate slap.

- This isn't an outright dud per se, it just sabotages itself in a similar way to Rae Sremmurd's By Chance: by wasting a great hook on a song where the production needlessly switches up for the verses and the rapper utilises a flow that's now totally played-out.

- Ca$h Money Records nostalgia is so passé at this point, but I can't be mad at a semi-homage to the oft-forgotten last great single of CMR's golden-era: Mannie Fresh's Real Big.

- On the real, when's Juvenile's VEVO page gonna get that HD Solja Rag video?

- This shit here is my most-anticipated Nef joint. Not the first time Nef's music has bore the influence of MC Ricky D and hopefully the song won't feature his touring buddy G-Eazy rapping about hotel orgies on it when it eventually drops.

- Full disclosure: ya host has been known to enjoy a bit of Sleazy-G rapping about hotel orgies.

- Ezale wins this round of 2016's best nu-Sic Wid It slap of the late summer.

Monday, 15 August 2016

Gotta eat the intestines like groceries part 2

"Big Lurch is innocent and was set up" truthers on YouTube >>>>>>>>>>>

Shit, Big Lurch YouTube comments in general >>>>>>>>>>>>>

Sunday, 14 August 2016


"She asked me for some shoes, I bought her Crocs
Bitch, what the f*ck do I look like a bop?
SIKE! I wouldn't buy a bitch a pair of flip-flops"

WNC Carlos ft. JMM Larry & SOG Sherwood Flame - Cross Me
(From YouTube; 2016)

Did you find this tune in a YouTube rabbit hole which began with one of Maine Musik's videos? If so, YouTube's suggestions are currently the internet's foremost tastemaker of 2016 Baton Rouge rap because everybody who fuxwit that NBA Youngboy kid seems to have initially stumbled on him the same way.

If not, meet me at the crossroads like Bone Thugs because you've come up on the new Watch My Shoes. A turn-up anthem-turnt-2016 rap's most eviscerating use of the term ‘bop’ since OMG by RJ.

"F*ck your baby momma, she a bop!
F*ck your baby daddy, he a bop!"

(From OMMIO 3 mixtape; 2016)

Friday, 12 August 2016

Just sayin', bruv: Whodini edition

Whodini - Featuring Grandmaster Dee
(From Escape album; 1984)

AKA the 5 Minutes Of Funk instrumental. Back in the '90s there was a HHC magazine interview with Whodini breaking down some of their classic singles where they admitted 5 Minutes Of Funk was an instrumental track Larry Smith made as a showcase for their DJ Grandmaster Dee which banged so hard they couldn't resist rhymin' over it. It's all luv to Jalil & Ecstasy for including both incarnations on their Escape LP, but they really shoulda played the background and just let Larry get his groove on for dolo because Featuring Grandmaster Dee is one of the few rap songs which works best as the version without any rapping. Think of it as the O.G The 900 Number in that respect.

1983/1984 really was the only good era for instrumental rap: 70% of the Wild Style OST, West Street Mob's Breakdance - Electric Boogie, Hashim's Al-Naafiysh (The Soul), Davy DMX's One For The Treble, Herbie Hancock & Grandmixer D.ST's Rockit, DJ Red Alert's Hip Hop On Wax Volume 2, and Featuring Grandmaster Dee here.

Tuesday, 9 August 2016

Wanted dead or alive: ID a sample

"..And free Gzus all he wanted was Top"

Mic Terror - I Don't Call The Cops
(From Soundcloud; 2016)

Anyone know where the loop on the best Mic Terror track since N.W.G comes from? Something as other-worldly as this sample sounds like Bernard Herrmann composed the score for an Orson Welles movie adaption of Hansel & Gretel, which means it'll probably transpire to be 10 seconds of unexpected celestial joy on a Daniel O'Donnell Xmas single.

Bellow @ a fellow if you can help. If not, you should go download my 2nd recent jams of 2016 compilation from May which included this very song.

Monday, 8 August 2016

Beaches & Sisters

The slapification of 2 Live Crew's We Want Some Pussy is a concept so startlingly obvious it's hard to believe the resulting song has taken 30 years to come to fruition. Given that Ezale is currently one of the most reliably unreliable rappers in the trade, We Want Some Pussy 2.0 has actually taken three decades to arrive in 2k16 day internet-time. Tune is just about worth the wait, though, because Funktown potentially has itself a new Pimp Of The Year for the function. Ezale's Gon' Bring That Town Shit Back to your doorstep, your doormat, your doorbell; I betchu already knew We Want Some Pussy dropped because Dru Down told y'all Funk smells.

Ezale - We Want Some Pussy
(From YouTube; 2016)

Quiz time: what was the first rap video to be set on a beach? Hint: Ty Dolla $ign may have been droppin' actual factuals about the brothers, the brothers on Alley Boy's RNGM.

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

Born to Audiomack: Akinyele deep cuts

As well as documenting Akinyele's metaphysical redemption between Break A Bitch Neck in 1995 to Love My Bitch in 2001, my Ak' deep cuts compilation also proved that there's much fun to be found in the ol' rascal's catalogue beyond Vagina Diner and Put It In Your Mouth, so I've upped it to Audiomack. Tried getting Jack The Snipper to edit out the awful near-2 minute intro to The Robbery Song, but the MP3 wouldn't play on teh 'mack so you'll still have to suffer the extended skit where some wench called Janet gets slapped up and a crying toddler gets their cap peeled during a home invasion. All apologies to Moscaddie and Mumsnet innit.

Saturday, 30 July 2016

Generic list post: July 2016

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Drew Millard came off as the most likeable character in teh great ironic h*pster N.Y media mafia civil war of 2016. No shots - at least Millard knows Jackie Chain isn't "a white guy".

2Pac - F*ck All Y'All (O.G version) (1994)
2Pac - Out On Bail (O.G version) (1994)
The Jacka - Rule The World (2007)
Dat Boi T ft. Kap G - DGAF (2016)
Gucci Mane ft. Young Thug - Guwop Home (2016)
Shy Glizzy - Think About It (2016)
Jimmy Wopo - Walkin' Bomb Part 2 (2016)
Fergie - M.I.L.F.$ (2016)
Gherkin Jerks - Strange Creatures (1989)
Shift K3Y - The Underground (2016)
Shift K3Y - Like This (2016)

Other notables: Ezale deserves a dead arm from Will High for promising We Want Some and then going silent; 21 Savage's whole Chinese Jordan GBE shtick is not for me but No Heart jams; Lavish D's Where's Waldo? is 2016's most unpleasant dis record; couldn't find any keepers on the new TRILL compilation.

PS: don't sleep on my best of Kap G and best of Fam-Lay playlists or my latest Recent-ish Jams compilation.

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

Generic list post: favourites of the favourites 1979 - 2015

What do u do when Ezale and Nef The Pharaoh both take forever to drop their respective summer slaps and the Jimmy Wopo song you've been waitin' on has an unnecessary Sonny Digital cameo? You whip up the ultimate stopgap post in the form of a list where you identify your favorite rap song of each year from 1979 to 2015. Personal canon or just the type of parlour game one plays during another sleepless night when the country is gripped by a heatwave? Blog game Best of Both Worlds, tbh.

Spoonie Gee - Spoonin' Rap (1979)
Spoonie Gee - Love Rap (1980)
Blondie - Rapture (1981)
The Fearless Four - Rockin' It (1982)
Jimmy Spicer - Money (Dollar Bill Y'all) (1983)
Egyptian Lover - I Cry (Night After Night) (1984)
Doug E. Fresh & MC Ricky D - La Di Da Di (1985)
Schoolly D - Saturday Night/Salt-N-Pepa - Push It (1986)
Audio Two - Top Billin' (1987)
Slick Rick - The Moment I Feared (1988)
Mac Dre - Young Black Brotha (1989)
Too $hort - The Ghetto/Brand Nubian - Step To The Rear (1990)
Ice-T - New Jack Hustler (1991)
Eric B. & Rakim - Juice (Know The Ledge) (1992)
Snoop Doggy Dogg - Gin And Juice (1993)
Snoop Doggy Dogg - Murder Was The Case (Remix) (1994)
AZ - Doe Or Die (1995)
M.O.P ft. Kool G. Rap - Stick To Ya Gunz (1996)
Suga Free - I'd Rather Give You My Bitch (1997)
OutKast - Aquemini (1998)
MF DOOM ft. DJ Cucumber Slice - Rhymes Like Dimes (1999)
Black Rob - Whoa (2000)
Ludacris ft. Nate Dogg - Area Codes (2001)
Grand Puba - Issues (Pete Rock Remix) (2002)
T.I. - Be Better Than Me/Too $hort - Burn Rubber (2003)
Lil' Wayne ft. Mannie Fresh - Go D.J. (2004)
Z-Ro - Mo City Don (Freestyle) (2005)
Too $hort - Blow The Whistle (2006)
Max B - Why You Do That (2007)
Suga Free - Allergic To Bullshit (2008)
Lil B - Like A Martian (2009)
Waka Flocka Flame ft. Kebo Gotti - Grove St. Party (2010)
E-40 ft. Stresmatic & B-Legit - Rear View Mirror (2011)
Gunplay - Jump Out (2012)
Lil' Wayne ft. 2 Chainz - Rich As F*ck (2013)
Rae Sremmurd - No Type (2014)
Rich Homie Quan - Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh) (2015)

Rap Bro Internet in near-full effect here because the only years other than 1981 and 1986 where I considered songs by Female Rappers™ were 2000 (Lil' Kim's Suck My Dick), 2002 (Trina's B R Right), 2006 (Young B's Chicken Noodle Soup) 2011 (Lady's Pussy), and 2014 (Iggy Azalea's Fancy.) Honour thy Mia X, but f*ck these bloggas who stan for Lauryn Hill.

**EDIT** Russian Ray zipped this list up. благодаря, comrade.

Sunday, 24 July 2016

Season of the Sacness

How come Lavish D is allowed to record albums in prison? More importantly, how come Lavish D is allowed to record songs threatening Mozzy's life and implicating himself in ordering various shootings of Mozzy's crew from prison? It'd be tempting to call Lavish the Vybz Kartel of rap but even the World Boss couldn't get away with a pokyhumous song like Where's Waldo?:

"Even tho you lyin' in your songs, you can rap good
You can be the next Denzel, you can act good
The lil' homies catch you, they gon' smoke you like a backwood
Even yo' fans be sayin' shit that a rat would"

King Lavish D - Where's Waldo?
(From Real N*ggaz Don't Die album; 2016)

Ya host enjoyed Lavish D's beef with Philthy Rich as the banner on this site can attest, but this situation with Mozzy is already very unpleasant and can't possibly end well for either party. Rappers - stop the violence or, at the very least, take it back to the days of making your enemy run headfirst into a hedge.

Friday, 22 July 2016

Reasons why I love YouTube # 72

Shout outs to YouTube, the HD uncensored version of Guns N' Roses' 1988 show at The Ritz is on that bitch! Peep how Axl Rose's snakeskin jacket glistens like jizm under moonlight, and hear the G.O.A.T rawk song of the '80s free from any of MTV's annoying bleeping during its profane final third:

L.A's Streetz is talkin' and they reckon that Axl's trademark Snake Dance was just a modified Crip Walk for white ppl. The proof is in the prancing:

Tuesday, 19 July 2016

Born To Audiomack: best of Kap G edition

LOOK AT WHAT KAP G'S BROUGHT TO THE TABLE THESE PAST 3 YEARS: a wildly inconsistent catalogue for sure, but when he does come correct, the College Park Mexican is one of the few distinct artists in modern Atlanta rap. Here's a best of playlist from someone who's been ridin' for Kurious George Ramierez since 2013: tagless MP3s for all the song which exist no-DJ, tagged MP3s for the few song which don't. "Call Me David I'm The One To Drake" for the tagless F*ck La Policia MP3 which isn't available on any British retail/streaming service - Brexit done built a wall already?

Related: Russian Ray still doin' marvelous work zipping up my old generic list posts.

Monday, 18 July 2016

Feel it in the air

You got me mixed-up twisted like Arabian gymnasts if you think I haven't been waitin' on this song. Finally drops later this week apparently.

Saturday, 16 July 2016

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be # 17

"Might post her on the street 'cause I'm colder than Polish feet
You can you say you sorta like The Jack' but you know you weak
You.. couldn't move like me in ya deepest sleep"

The Jacka - Rule The World
(From AP.9 Presents: The Mob Movement compilation; 2007)

Short & not-so-sweet Jacka deep cut from the same AP.9 compilation Aspen originally appeared on. In a perfect world where rappers don't leave key songs off their own albums, Rule The World woulda been the regal intro track on Tear Gas with Aspen following it as the opening song proper.

BTW, Russian Ray just turnt my 2010 - 2015 NorCal Slap Files playlist into a RAR file. I'm not a rap blogga, I just post everything I like; Ray be right with me, zippin' up everything I write. It's the life, it's not a fairytale; she got a narrow tail like Natalie Gal.

Thursday, 14 July 2016

Y'all can keep catchin' feelings, I'ma keep catchin' planes

"And it lookin' like a Smurf
And my hair lookin' like I surf
I been real since, like, birth
When the Vato pull up you hear that *BRR BRRR* that chirp"

Dat Boi T ft. Kap G - DGAF
(From DGAF single; 2016)

So calebo ondulado. Here at The Martorialist we do GAF about the Houston Latino X Kap G connection goin' on this summer. Viva La Vatos!

Related note: Russian Ray zipped up my anti-boys in blue generic list post featuring Kap's F*ck La Policia. Вива ла Раза!

Tuesday, 12 July 2016

No blacks in Hauntology please, we're British

After decades of speculation about whether Simon Reynolds views the voices of ethnic minorities in rap music as a minor texture to be endured rather than enjoyed, his Wire magazine review of KanYe West's last album finally confirms what many of us have suspected all along: Grimey Simey™ doesn't care about blk ppl.

Whereas Reynolds would usually dismiss Rap's labyrinthine complex stories of life in AmeriKKKa as "some same old shit about bling and hoes" he tolerates purely for the thrill of the Mantronix/Bomb Squad/Dr. Dre/Timbaland/Mannie Fresh/Neptunes/Lil' Jon/DJ Mustard production backing it, his Life Of Pablo review finally makes it explicitly clear that he's always viewed the black voices in rap music as an undesirable sub-human nuisance he'd hate to share airspace with let alone swap bodies with on some Castor Troy shit:

Moral of this story? As far as ex-Melody Maker scribes called Simon go, even Pricey has less #problematic views about ethnic minorities than Grimey Simey™. Simon frigging Price FFS!